Sunday, December 9, 2007

"Where the gold at?"

I have long feared the intellectual collapse of this country. We’ve fallen into an era of false idols, red-neck presidents, whorish heiresses, and a general lack of common sense. But never has the prophetic sense of impending doom overwhelmed me like when I became aware of the Alabama Leprechaun. At this point I encourage those not familiar with this story to watch the news report here to see I’m completely serious.

Mobile, Alabama is plagued with what appears to be leprechaun fever. According to eyewitnesses, a short, hat-wearing figure has been spotted perched in large tree causing spectators and leprechaun fanatics alike to unanimously agree that indeed Mobile has an infestation of the Irish dwarf variety.

Are you kidding me? Has all reason and logic been thrown to the wind? Reality check: A leprechaun as defined by Princeton, yes an institution for the further pursuit of knowledge, is “a mischievous elf in Irish folklore”. FOLKLORE, synonymous with legend, myth, fable, fairy tale, and made up shit. However, the acceptance of lies and myth seems to be commonplace in a society where the popular vote doesn’t win an election, wars can be started on a whim, and the environment is an afterthought. And besides, what are the odds of a “mischievous elf” from Ireland paying a visit to Mobile? I mean come on, if I were a magical, two-foot-tall, Irish hooligan going on vacation the last place I’d want to go is a tree in Alabama. What’s worse is the fact this is a news story. You remember the news, it used to be…well…“newsier”. It wasn’t a ticker with talking heads and Nancy Grace draining her guests like the succubus; it was actual events that had bearing on the world as a whole instead of meaningless dribble to satisfy boredom and the monotony of everyday life. Even that this “story” got airtime promotes the stupidity and ignorance this nation embodies. It tells the public it’s okay to be dumb because it’s entertaining.

Perhaps the most unbelievable part of the report is the accounts of the inhabitants in Mobile. Many seem to whole-heartedly believe that there is a leprechaun in their midst. One man is suited up in camouflage and overalls, the overalls of course to ward off evil spells, prepared to fight the leprechaun. He has a leprechaun flute passed down from his great, great, Irish grandfather from thousands of years ago. The flute was made the age old way by cutting a piece of PVC pipe, drilling holes in it, and spray painting it gold. On the other hand, there are detractors who don’t believe in the validity of the myth; however the news report portrays them as complete idiots. “Could be a crack head that got hold to the wrong stuff and it told him to get up in a tree and play a leprechaun” was one of the more realistic explanations given by a woman.

Nonetheless, in a country where the lack of education isn’t nearly as scary as two dudes kissing, more stories like this are bound to pop up. Though, I truthfully cannot place all the blame on our bastard republican government as it was the public that elected it. I also hold the media partially responsible for the sensationalizing of stories that have little significance for this only adds the problem of ignorance in the U.S. It seems that somewhere a group intelligent people should be gathering to try to organize some sort of master plan to reeducate the nation. So I just have one question: “Where the gold at?”


1 comment:

Iheartsgammy said...

you JM...go sucks so far, but it will get better I ...probably...I just wanted something to show you that I was serious business about this whole blog thing...FUCK RIGHT