Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Man vs. Wild May Be Fake...

At the risk of emasculating myself further after pouring my half-filled heart out on my friends birthday, I must redeem myself with a post filled with manly intrigue and adventure. I regret to inform that the host of Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel, Bear Grylls, has been under fire as of late and been accused of "faking" certain scenarios of danger that he puts himself into. Such claims include: sleeping in hotels and not ever being in any real danger due to the constant, ever watchful eye of his camera crew. Now I don't dispute these claims, in fact they could very well be true. Bear might just be like a money grubbing whore, hoping to get her fix by fellating the next rich businessman that may strike her fancy. If this is the case, It doesn't ever matter to me for so many tasty reasons.
I really could care less if he occasionally sleeps in hotels, he is still at least 3 times the man I will ever be. We all know from the awe-inspiring intro that he was in the British SAS, climbed Everest, Blah, blah, bladdity, blah, who cares? I sure as shit don't. All I care about is what will inevitably happen about 10-15 minutes into the show, and will continue for the next half hour. He will either:

a. Eat something horrrible for no good reason.
b.Do something horrible to an animal i.e. hitting, slitting , bashing or just causing general discomfort to it.
c.Drink his own piss/squeeze water out of another animals back door chocolate
d.Jump into quicksand, mud, bog, etc and try to escape, usually losing his shirt in the process.
e. Some mixture of a, b, c and d

Now I challenge any of you to do any of the torturous things that Bear puts himself through to entertain you sons-of-bitches, you should be greatful that there is a man out their willing to pee into a shirt and then wrap it around his head just to stay cool in the dessert. I mean desert, damn I sure could use some pie...

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